Brown Velvet
Have you ever looked at mashed potatoes and thought, “I want that as a dessert?”
No? Well, I haven’t either — but somehow, with this week’s bake, that’s what I got. Now, fortunately, this creation didn’t taste like mash and gravy, but for all the world, it looked like it. Flip a bowl of spuds upside down and you’ve got the exact visual breakdown of these brownies: buttery off-white on top and a flat, earthy brown on the bottom.
The resemblance to a side dish would have made these brownies weird enough, but what’s weirder is that they should have been red velvet.
Mmm, mashed potatoes and gravy
Yes, the latest recipe was for White Chocolate Red Velvet Brownies, and the product pictured in Kieffer’s book had a bloodred base and frosting as pure as the driven snow. Mine did not turn out that way — though they were, I’d wager, just as tasty. I underbaked them a bit (“accidentally”), making them nice and gooey, and the inclusion of three different chocolates made them decadent and rich. As is custom for red velvet, they were topped with cream cheese frosting, and that was great too — like, “I would make this again just to eat it with a spoon” great.
But let’s get back to this color thing. The not-quite-white frosting, I could have overlooked. This is not the first time my use of bright-yellow Kerrygold has kept my frosting from turning out white, and it won’t be the last — because, as we have established, Kerrygold is the king of butters and you will pry it out of my cold, dead hands before you see me use another kind. So the mashed-potato frosting is what it is. But the brownies! I used an ENTIRE BOTTLE of red food coloring in these things, and they truly looked in the end like I had not used one drop. I followed the measurements to the letter, but still no luck — despite the fact that the batter was so strongly colored, it was practically purple.
When I put it in the oven, I assumed this bake would turn out with some color, even if it wasn’t quite the one I’d been aiming for. But I had no way of knowing until it was sliced into. I had a friend over on the day I made these brownies, so I let her cut into the block. I knew I hadn’t totally failed when she yelled, “SARAH. These are so good,” but the success feeling faded a bit when I asked from the next room if they were red. My friend went silent, clearly thinking, Were they supposed to be? They were, in fact, brown — a failure of aesthetics, if not of taste.
The mystery now, for me, is just how much food dye colored bakes really need. I have three more bottles left from the rainbow set I bought to get red, and I have nothing but doubt about them now. Will that green be enough to make even one Paddy’s Day cupcake? Considering how off-white so many baked goods are to begin with, will the yellow do anything? I suppose I’ll find out eventually, but for now, I’m just glad that the next few recipes don’t call for any dyeing.
…And speaking of dying! (Ba-dum tsss.) If you just can’t survive another brownie post, you’re in luck. There are only four recipes left in this chapter, and then we’ll be on to fruit bakes! Stay tuned for crumbles, strawberry bars, and fruity business galore.